Number four in the list of five issues that are likely to dominate the Canadian election is leadership. The leadership of the parties strangely plays a large role in how we as Canadians vote – even though we are not able to all vote for a Prime Minister directly and rather the party.

We and the political parties place an undue amount of attention of the current leader of the party and their personal viewpoints than we do issues and promises made both by the party and the individual for that matter. So in keeping with the seemingly Canadian style of political attention misdirection, the wonk looks at the four leaders (four was all for you Liz).

Stephen ‘Ironman’ Harper
Although he has a six-inch thick exterior and most likely still falls asleep with a copy of the policy of the day in his hands, Steve has shown us middle class folks that he too sips his Tim’s from the same side of the cup. He has made an effort to arrange for funeral plans for the Liberal’s imposed image of a cold and hard person, by performing random acts of humanism, like playing the piano and describing that he is a lot like a fruit to a gaggle of salivating reports. His leadership will be defined by his ability to:

• Control party message – The Conservative caucus is a lot like those folks in the Hills Have Eyes movies, there can be much lurking at times and when everyone seems to thin it’s all good – BAM – they jump out and promptly shove their foot the mouth.
• Relate and relay important grass-roots issues to the voting public – For the most part he does this well, the GST reductions have resonated as have his 5 priorities strategy previously.
• Convince Canadians that his party (and himself) are capable of being responsible with a majority – You listening Quebec?

The Ironman tag was thrown in there because us at the wonk believe that underneath his thick exterior lies the personality and humour of someone like Tony Stark. PMSH would be our first choice to knock back some beers as we target shoot old pictures of Trudeau.

Stephane ‘ESL’ Dion
Stephane Dion is a nice guy. He’s the kind of nice you feel when walking through an animal shelter and the dog that keeps staring at you blankly is also the one that due to be put down shortly. We know how the Conservatives feel about Dion, but we also think the Canadian public really feels for him. This is truly a wonk-style election with Harper and Dion being pited head on against each other, and we think that Dion has a couple extra wonk points that Harper doesn’t have. But, that said – is Dion best left to the backrooms? Maybe, maybe not- here’s what we think will define his ability to lead the natural party of Canada:

• Taking Tom Petty’s advice – Dion cannot afford to back down again. He has shown Canadians all year that he is prepared to stand up for them only when the Liberal party is ready for an election. He has had his party abstain from House votes and changed directions more times than Myron Thompson changes livers. He needs to find the confidence issue that sides him with the Liberals and lay down in front of the Conservative steam train in order to show that he can make confident decisions.
• Carbon Tax (shhhh!) – The green shift is a great idea, but it’s not a lead platform. The idea that he spent a week a couple months back selling carbon tax to the general (driving) public is sitr crazy. Selling encyclopedias door to door in silicon valley would have been a more reasonable task. He has quieted up on the carbon tax since the writ dropped, but the public (read: transportation companies) remember well – especially in BC.
• Controlling the monster IggyRae – Michael Ignatieff and Bob Rae wander around Dion like distance nephews at a rich aunt’s will reading. They both know what they want, Dion knows what they want, even the Canadian public knows what they want. They want to be the next PM as head of the Liberal party. Iggy and Rae are both smart enough politicians to know that if they stay on party lines and smile on the left and right of the temp filling the leader’s job, they will only have to worry about each other (sorry Martha).

Jack ‘Frat House’ Layton
Smoking pot? Nude candidates? Dropping acid and filming it? Looks like the Green party reached out to it’s membership and encouraged some free samples to select NDP members. This was the election of opportunity for the NDP – a weakened Liberal-party, scary economy on the horizon and plugs pulled on previous social programs that could start up again with the signing of a cheque. Jack, what happened? Instead for every Conservative apology we heard over the last week, we heard the second story as “NDP candidate drops out due to crazy-ass behaviour”. Here’s what handsome Jack’s defining issues are;

• Keep it together, KIT, KIT, KIT – The party is actually looking like a party lately. Jack needs to tighten the ropes and reel in the members and candidates – and maybe, just a suggestion piss testing.
• Go social – Quit talking about economic issues, the NDP is a social party (that sounds funny) and should be talking about social issues and how they envision solutions to those issues. Stay on daycare, stay on Aboriginals, stay on the social track.
• Resend your message – You are not the next prime minister. But you are a viable alternative the Liberal party. Use short, calm and pointed messages to delivery what you are saying. Seeming more reasonable takes away all moonbat arguments.

Elizabeth ‘Just Happy To Be Here’ May
Why wouldn’t she be happy? Already with one MP recorded in the House and well on her way to having 8-10 times that she has reason to always be smiling. Although the Greens seem to be a one issue party they are working on getting the message across that they have other, non-composting related ideas for the country. Liz (if I may call you that) has taken a lesson from Dion and stopped soapboxing carbon taxes even if that is in the party’s platform. Here’s Liz’s leadership issues:

• Choice – Not pro-choice, choice. She needs to have a Green candidiate in every riding possible to maximize her opportunity in this unique election. We can think of at least 5 ridings that will swing to her if she represents.
• Define other issues – From the party’s perspective, start detailing what the Green party will provide (other than environmental) for the nation. Even shadow speaking at this point would be beneficial – comment on the other leader announcements and show Canadians the difference of the party.
• Focus on the east coast – The left coast will be easy, the right, not so much. Ms. May needs to have to sets of speaking points that are clear and defined – and she needs to be able to rattle them off llike a robot at the drop of a GPS, depending on where she is in the country.

You thinking we forgot someone? No, we didn’t forget – by Quebec may have. Watch the Canadian Federal Election on October 14 and you’ll see.

The third issue that we will go into depth on will be the economy (queue disater music, crowds screaming and random people pointing to the sky).

Because there isn’t a political party that seems to dominate the Canadian tundra, we decided to look at five likely issues that you will hear again and again and again and again. We’re going at this in a multi-part  series with the Environment first up, cut by party accomplishments and strategies.Who will champion these issues and satisfy your voting appetite? Stay tuned undecided voters.

The Environment

Stephen Harper’s team will echo that they have done more for the environment in the last two years than the Liberals of the recent past with Dion at the helm of the Environment portfolio. Abandoning Kyoto and looking away from carbon taxes were two accomplishments made by the Conservatives lately – however they do have some brighter issues than they have taken the lead on such as setting hard deadlines for compliance with environmental standards for industry and taking a unnecessarily large amount of SUVs to the front door of Parliament. Way to go!

Dion has the green shift. What the hell is that? Sounds like the Kansas City Shuffle – at any rate a policy with the word ’shift’ in it doesn’t end well for taxpayers. Shift implies that the taxes will not be lessen to ease an increased burden of fuel costs on consumers, but rather moved around to avoid someone thinking that they aren’t giving back. Dion also brings to the table the fact that his dog is named ‘Kyoto’, bravo.

Layton has decided to paint his face and the faces of the other party MPs green for the entire time of the election campaign. His second part to that strategy is to respond to all questions in the environmental Hulk mode – “Layton Smash Carbon!”. That might work if his moustache goes angry.

Elizabeth May, what else is there to say? The greenest of the greens, the Kermit of the hill, her party is based on this one sole issue. The other issues may pose a larger problem when she is asked to expand on her solution to the Afghanistan war with the use of solar panels.

The communist party of Canada has stated that they would finally implement the technology that has been in development for years from underground research stations in Russia that allows the government and only the government to control the weather and impose greener conditions on the residents of land.

The marijuana party of Canada issued a short statement that comprised of only vowels and Led Zeppelin symbols. Further translation is required.

The next installment of the election issues to watch will be Leadership.

That sound that woke you up a little extra early on Sunday morning was the writ being dropped, closing the 39th parliament and beginning the race for the 40th.

Prime Minister Stephen Harper visited Governor General  Jean early on Sunday morning interrupting her cultural television and Captain Crunch. Although many say she holds a position of authority and stature, she is nothing but an appointed chair warmer used in the same fashion as any other inanimate object needed for a traditional task. She holds the right to push back on requests like the PMs today (see the King-Byng affair) but even with a fixed election date waiting in the wings, she sees no opposition to doing so.

So the election is on, and a mark our words – this one is going to be the most personal and attack driven campaigns in Canadian history. Stay tuned true voters.

If you didn’t know any better you would think the Tories had a lunch serving Maple Leaf cold cuts recently because their MPs are dropping out of the picture, fast.

Joe Comuzzi, former Liberal from Thunder Bay riding is the latest case of the disease sweeping the party, more commonly known as “cantgetreelecteditous”. Our last post identified the top three Tory MPs who should drop out, and Comuzzi wasn’t named, which makes us wonder, how many more before the bleeding stops? And what do the MPs know that the general public doesn’t?

If their actions are any indication of what’s down the sewer pipe we’re going to new a new minister position created, the minister responsible for telling us what the hell Dion just said.

Three pins fell early during the rumours of the writ being dropping for the kick off of the next election.

Harper will have to address some gaps in his current cabinet line up and get the candidates out of the plane and parachuted in just in time to begin campaigning. The three Tory MPs leaving the political life are David “These Boots Were Made for Floor Crossing” Emerson, Monte “Numbers” Solberg and Loyota “Smells Like Fish” Hearn (seen hiding from another vote; below). While Emerson is likely the most controversial of the three MPs,  the others do represent management status in the caucus.

Solberg is the one we would like to see leave the least. Monte’s ability to manipulate figures and make sense of budgets goes back a ways and he would have done extremely well as the finance minister. Hearn was rarely seen on the hill or in his own riding and has an easy portfolio to fill, and well Emerson just won’t be missed – he saw the writing on the wall. His riding would have lynched him before re-electing him and he knew it.

In keeping with the speculative nature of political commentary, here’s the three Tory MPs that should not seek re-election (in our humble opinion):

• Pierre Poilievre – Always one bad sound byte away from being disciplined or thrown out of caucus, Pierre has a flare to be a sarcastic, talk out of his ass, mouth-piece for whatever he thinks will get him one step higher up the ladder.
• John Baird – Readied with his purple ‘Hulk Shorts’ under his trousers at all times, this MP is a race car in the red, a mushroom cloud laying mother-f…you get the picture. His temper is his worst enemy and with that he can be provoked to do or say things that are likely to dig him a deep hole.
• Inky Mark – There’s back-benchers, then there’s Inky. He usually sits somewhere around the gift shop when the house is in session. Inky looks out for one person, and that’s Inky.

Like most Wonks the hibernation period takes place as the MPs fly back to their ridings for community BBQs and such events.

The wonks amongst us however take the summer months to sleep off exhausting, late nights of wonking during the prime house season. That slumber can of course be disturbed by the sound of a writ dropping.Our ears perked up as you can imagine this weekend with the talk of elections being called this week and we wiped the sleep from our eyes and found a cup of three-month old coffee and the keyboard to begin another season of commentary.

The commentary we will be offering will change a bit this season – less prancing around a subject and more baseball bat action right smack on the skull of the matter. Stay tuned.